Moment Musicaux

I’m really looking forward to payday, because there are too many things that I want to buy. And I’ve been having serious bag-envy issues of late. Oh, add iPhone-envy to that too.

Every time I begin sub-dividing my pay, my heart leaps with excitement at the possibility of fulfilling some of those wants. Then I remember my responsibilities, and the excitement goes poof. Meh.

YaWA? is recording an EP, which means about a quarter of my pay is gone. Then there’s the family, to which a half goes.

The last quarter remains for daily expenses. And of which a quarter goes to the Boy for helping me tremendously during those times of financial difficulty. Take that, kaput-envy!

On work:

It’s been a helluva experience. It’s challenging yet fun, and immense satisfaction comes when briefs are cracked and my team’s (uber juniors L and I) works are approved by the Creative Director (CD). Not bad for my first month, I say. Granted, the initial stages were a bit shaky, trying to get used to each other’s working style and swimming in the deep end without much hand-holding at all, but we pulled through in the end. We’ll be cracking on a Levis’ brief next, so that’s one more thing to be looking forward to I’m glad the CD seems pleased with us thus far.

But pity — L’s leaving for NS soon. Which means I have only that much time to secure a full-time job. Or should I look elsewhere too? I’ve made an O&M bigshot-to-be contact. Venture, venture. The future is still quite hazy…

Nit-picking. Or scallop-picking, whatever. It disappoints me to no end to read Urban’s article on how celebs, svelte as they are, have ‘unwanted bits’ like ‘turkey necks’, ‘buffalo humps’ and ‘bat wings’.

‘Unwanted’!

How will mere mortals like us ever be satisfied with our own bodies if those screen goddesses can’t live up to ’standards’? Mere mortal’s standards, ironically. What a redundant pursuit of physical perfection. Will they ever realise how impossible all these virtually are? These ‘fashionistas’ seriously don’t know how many insecure lives they’re putting in jeopardy. I have a sneaking feeling that it’s cosmetic surgeons who are putting these words in their mouths. Bah.

Come on, there are much more important things in life than becoming a humanoid bound by superlatives. Please.

The nice, long, 4 crazy days of CNY is over, and it’s back to life for everyone. Maybe minus me. I’ve finally figured out that I have acid reflux (which has gotten worse this year) so I’m faithfully taking some enzyme-powder to minimise the damage to my poor g-astronomical system. After stuffing myself with countless crabs and the usual steamboats — my appetite is bigger than my stomach — it’s hello to even more girth, yessir. Bah.

Having no car is such an inconvenience; my family didn’t visit many places, which means that this year’s takings weren’t plentiful. Oh well, this amount is going to be what decides when I die-die have to be employed by. YBS should be reverting this week. Hopefully.

I must admit, though, that despite the initial angpaos-are-my-only-motivation-for-CNY protests, spending time karaoke-ing and being silly and chatty with relatives and friends whom I don’t see often is a very nice feeling.

Have a great Rat race in 2008, y’all.

After all that’s said and done, it still will never be easy to face you ever again.

How can I be a good mentor to the youths?

Some talk about a generation gap… I think it’s not so much of a gap of years per se.

It’s about how we’ve grown OUT of it, feeling silly when looking back, and not wanting the next generation to be as silly as we were.

Yet we so often forget how hard it was for ourselves not to be silly back then. How we adamantly believed that we were right and those noisy naggy adults were wrong. Why, we knew ourselves better than anyone else. Duh. Of course we would know what’s best.

Funnily, this very fact always seems to elude us as we mature. We tuck them memories away in a little dark corner of our heads and hearts, conveniently forgetting how honestly silly we used to be and can be.

As much as we don’t like nags, we nag. Yes, because we care. Even when humans can be just so unlovable.

And I when wonder why some cared about me, the nasty kid with the nasty mouth, I realise that it is a privilege to be cared for. I’m grateful. But human pride does do a great deal in being ignorant and self-sufficient. Until we learn the hard way.

I’ll never again proclaim that I’ll never be a naggy parent in future. (Like our parents.) Really, it’s an art.

Still, there surely is a way out of this.

Like what the Boy says, I’m very very busy for a person who’s jobless. I wanted to make a nice pictorial sum-up of 2007, but I don’t think I have the patience or discipline for that now. I’ll just do a quick one and throw in my 2008 resolutions.

This year:

• YaWA? is taking off slowly and steadily =) I think my drumming has improved since a year ago, so that’s cool. Also, Eve, Inch and I formed a girl band: Echo oh oh oh!

• I’ve become a breadwinner and official CPF contributor. ZF was an eye-opener, let’s just put it as that.
• Faith CG has expanded and I thank God for these true brothers and sisters in my life, to share my life. =)
• Mentoring with Doreen… She’s a real dear.
• Thailand Mission Trip: After a 4-year wait. Finally.
• Letting my parents hear me sing (thanks to a wedding) for the first time in maybe 16 years.

• Maintain a close relationship with God.

• Watch myself on personal issues such as pride etc.
• Work towards a Christ-centered relationship with Adam (because then will all things fall into place)
• Share my faith with at least 3 people.
• Be a good daughter, girlfriend, friend, sister, sister-in-Christ, mentor, coach, leader, servant, colleague.
• Be a light for Christ.
• Improve my drumming, bass, piano and guitar. Maybe even pick up my violin again.
• Read, read and read more books! Spend less time at the computer.
• Win awards (in Advertising); save up. Work hard towards New York 2010.
• Get fit, keep fit! Play more soccer and ultimate frisbee!! AND jog. I really hope to do at least a full biathlon this year.
• Keep these resolutions.

The ModestChou sends me a link, declaring that I’m the ‘youngest’, and therefore reckless. This shows how modest he is in his knowledge of me. But I found the article interesting nonetheless, so up here it goes.

The Independent (UK) does a study on family cliches - the oldest, bossy; the middle, wayward (like me); the youngest, impulsive and reckless. Here is an excerpt:

"What kind of a person do you imagine when you think of an eldest child? Do you think of a conscientious, hard-working conformist? A proud brother or sister who shoulders responsibility – with or without encouragement? What if I were to ask you which member of your family is the most extroverted, or the naughtiest? Do you think of your younger sibling? Does the thought of a middle child conjure pictures of a tortured soul, forever torn between two extremes?" […]

This is what Oslo (+10) University’s latest study shows:

"What he found was pretty convincing evidence that it was not the fact of being born first that gave you an intellectual head-start in life; it was the actual role of being the eldest that was important. It was being reared as the eldest, rather than being born the eldest, that mattered."

I disagree with some of the findings though (probably due to cultural differences, but I too hypothesize). Still, it’s a generalisation, so not all of it should be applied to everyone per se.

Take my family for example. I can safely say that even though I’m the middle child, I don’t suffer from the Middle Child Syndrome (MCS). Nor have I as the once-youngest, felt ‘dethroned’, as modern psychologist Alfred Adler calls it. How do I explain this? My brother and I are only a year apart and my sister is six years younger.

My mom told me that the age gaps between the three of us sibilings were planned out. With our close age gap (18 months to be exact), my brother and I were companions, rather than having sibling rivalry like that of a three-year-old (that has learnt emotions and is learning to wield them) jealous of the attention his/her newborn sibling gets. We learnt together and played together, even though my mom did treat us slightly differently because of certain character traits. As for my sister, it was in consideration to the MCS. Which means that by six years old, I’ve had my fair share of being the youngest. I was past the vying-for-attention stage when my sister came along. I became the oldest girl, which is a responsibility.

Why did I become rebellious? It’s because I just liked to question authority and certain rules and ways that just didn’t make sense (then). That’s another story.

But yeah, do read the article - it’s a bit lengthy though - and see if you agree or disagree with it!

It’s the first year of the boy and I Thank God! We really look forward to the challenges ahead and growing together in Christ. I also would like to thank all my friends who have been a great support to the both of us… It’s only healthy that we spend time with our other friends and not just together all the time So don’t say the ‘couple time’ and leave us alone — that we surely can find — because all of you are very important too!

Today is also the first time I ever emcee-d in an external (out of church), corporate event. It was a seminar on Corporate Governance and Financial Reporting for non-profit organisations.

Oh, if I haven’t mentioned, I quit my previous job. It was just a matter of time that I did anyway, and now I’m doing a temp job in NUS Biz School while searching for a new one.

Anyway, I must say that some of these gahmen people can be really quite grumpy, act aloof or even holier-than-thou. Rahh. I shouldn’t have let slip my displeasure to my colleague though. It was reflex… The secondary school one ><’ Patience, sponge, argh.

3 professors from NUS were giving a seminar, plus another 3 accounting/auditing big shots on a panel. Much as I was rather clueless with all the jargon they were throwing out, I must show my admiration for these professors who can really teach. And think on the spot. They were really great public speakers and intelligent (duh) people. And I was pleasantly surprised that one of the 3 profs (I know already one other) ever gave a sermon in my church before.

So yeah, apart from trying to crack 2 witty remarks, switching the letters of the centre’s (where I’m working at) acronym to something-something FC (too much soccer, yes) and saying "panel of judges" instead of "panelists", I think I did… Okay lah. Mehh.

I’ve just realised how much willpower I’ve subconsciously wielded recently in order for me not to slip back into being that unfocused, free-wheeling soul I was. Actually, realising it doesn’t do much good either. It’s like a hypnotised person who has (or had) a phobia of heights walking on a tightrope, then snapping out of that hypnotic mode in mid-air. You don’t know if you’re able continue down the tightrope on such a conscious level.

It’s hard enough to manage my own life as it is – God, Church, Boyfriend, family, band, friends, work, health, etc. I’ve already observed even proper adults (both single or married) who fail to effectively juggle their priorities. And even escape them.

I can only learn from their mistakes. And not without a ton of that dratted keyword, ‘discipline’. All these for the sake of family. For the sake of my future plans.

"Loneliness is one of the most painful yet necessary experiences in life. People feel incomplete, empty, or even starving inside. It is also a strong motivating force, just as food hunger is. Loneliness can make us do almost anything to fill up the hole inside. It is easy to see how, when you find someone you are drawn to, you can quickly fill up your life with that person.

Loneliness is stronger than resolve, willpower, or discipline. People will promise themselves not to get too involved, and find that their promise melts when their relational hunger meets a person they desire. All of a sudden, they are spending every evening together and settling into a pattern of being a couple.

Loneliness is not the enemy here, however. When we are lonely, it is a signal that we are alive. God created us with the drive to connect and be attached to himself and others. It is a good thing, because loneliness ultimately leads us to relationship, and that is where God wants all of us. We are all members of one body (Ephesians 4:25). Relationship cures loneliness.

However, dating is not the kind of relationship that cures loneliness, and that is the real problem here. Relationships that resolve loneliness must have certain elements, such as safety, unconditional love, and deep commitment. These elements help the person take in the love they need, get connected to life, and stay in relationship. Dating does not have these elements. At least at first, it is exploratory and low-commitment in nature. So lonely people often get deeply and quickly connected to someone. Then, when conflicts arise, they are devastated because they invested such deep parts of their hearts and souls in the relationship.

If you are getting too close, too soon out of loneliness, use it as a signal to get connected with some good, solid, non-dating relationships. Deal with loneliness before it backfires on you. […]

Your aloneness makes you get involved in relationships that you know are not going to last. It also keeps you from being alone long enough to grow into a person who does not have to be in a relationship in order to be happy. There is a very important rule in dating and romance: To be happy in a relationship, and to pick the kind of relationship that is going to be the kind you desire, you must be able to be happy without one.

As Psalm 1:3 says of the person who is growing into all of God’s ways and law: "He is like a tree planted by the streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaf does not wither. Whatever he does prospers." The whole life is a full life. And the by-product of fullness is that the fulfilled person is also a very attractive one.

Dating was never meant to cure aloneness. It was meant to fulfil adult needs for male-female romantic relationship on the way toward marriage."

– extracted from p. 165, "Too Much, Too Fast", Making Dating Work: Boundaries in Dating, Dr. H. Cloud & Dr. J. Townsend